


Never Did, Never Will

by Vilian



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fix-It, My First Smut, Overthinking, Please Don't Hate Me, Post-Battle of Scarif, Slow Dancing, Smut, What Was I Thinking?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-01
Updated: 2017-09-02
Packaged: 2018-12-20 02:59:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11911794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vilian/pseuds/Vilian
Summary: Cassian can't sleep after an eventful evening and muses over his relationship with Jyn. Can be read as follow up toWe'll get through this, together, but is a stand-alone. My first smutty fic, so be warned - I lack experience in writing smut, thus the story may be totally hopeless. Enjoy and please comment anyway :3





	1. The Evening

**Author's Note:**

> For this fic I blame some very particular things... I blame too much of Dirty Dancing OST. Too much of Dirty Dancing itself. Too much of Havana Nights, Diego Luna's ~~hips~~ eyes and way too much of my vivid imagination. And, obviously, too much of Rogue One (is there even such thing? probably no, can't have too much of THAT :P). Anyway, enough said *blushes furiously and runs away*

Cassian can't fall asleep and he just hates such nights. They're exhausting, even if there are no nightmares involved. But he just can't stop his mind from spinning around certain things, keeping him awake and leaving him so very tired.

It's not like he isn't satisfied with the way this evening looked like, no way. He should be fast asleep with a smile on his face, as he is quite content after all - warm under blankets, curled around sleeping Jyn, with face buried in her wild hair, with images from previous joyful hours fresh under his eyelids. But there's something else too, and he doesn't really know how to handle the feeling. Stars, he doesn't even know how to call it. It's not really the feeling of jealousy, and it's not quite insecurity either, and he doesn't even know where the feeling comes from - and yet it makes him afraid of future. For the first time in his life he knows that there is a future, even for people like him, and he's now afraid of it more than of anything, ever. A miracle had happen to him, a miracle called Jyn Erso. But are miracles meant to last forever?

The evening started with something completely out of character for the Alliance base - a dance night. Some high ups had decided that the Rebels deserve a bit of fun, that a celebration finally may be in place and so a party evening it was. Drinks, music, chatting, shouting, various games, lots of laughter; no-one ever would thought the Rebellion could be this playful and carefree. But with many serious battle won behind them and just a promise of peace ahead, this was a much needed breath of fresh air for everybody, time to recharge with energy to go on even further, to finish what they have started years earlier. 

Jyn apparently being a bit too self-conscious about her warrior body movements and with dislike towards flashy clothing, at first had refused to go. She used to be very shy about her body even in front of Cassian, when she thought her war scars were hideous and made her a disgusting lover. Her admission has almost made him laugh and cry at the same time, since it was exactly what he thought - used to think - about himself. Took them a while to figure things out, to talk things over, but now they seemed at ease with their own bodies, with bodies of each other even more so. Still, Jyn was absolutely against wearing clothes especially for the occasion, and was generally against music or dancing as well, and only the promise of actual food and free drinks with all their Rebel mates made her go. 

Cassian didn't plan on dragging Jyn on the dancefloor: first, he didn't think he'd like to dance all that much himself; second - pushing Jyn into doing something she didn't feel like doing was pretty much impossible anyway. But after few drinks he withdrew from noisy discussion at their table and started to quietly observe all the couples dancing to slow songs instead, during yet another round of romantic music. It woke up memories; happy moments with his parents laughing and swaying rhythmically in their kitchen when he was just a little boy; countless undercover missions where he had to pretend he's into fancy dancing with some Imperial figure in order to get the intel; two completely different types of memories and yet they had one thing in common. They made him wish he could dance with someone he just wants to be and put all his heart into it, just like his parents - not like Joreth Sward and his marks. And his heart was reaching to Jyn and Jyn only, and suddenly it all hurt.

Feeling like if his casual mask was slipping away for a second, Cassian plastered false smile over his face. The music has already changed to more cheerful tune, so he turned back to their table to grab another drink. Only then he noticed Jyn was no longer around. She probably was witnessing his fascination and has run away, to avoid the awkwardness if he had the nerve to ask her to dance, he thought; and that hurt too. These were small things, but meaningful and happened from time to time; Jyn was great at avoiding situations where he could feel uncomfortable or be lost in painful memories. Did that mean he is so fragile? Was he too fragile, too broken for her? Or maybe she was truly in love with him, so much in love to try and spare him any possible suffering? Was he worthy of such treatment then at all?

The amount of alcohol present in his blood would probably keep Cassian in rather dark mood for much longer, if not for someone coming at him from behind his chair. Before he could react violently, he realized it was Jyn. She wrapped her arms around him, like she often did, but there was an unusual sensation to this hug too. Apparently she has let her hair loose, which she never did in public before - surprised, but unable to resist Cassian simply leaned his cheek on a wave of brown, silky soft hair, meant just for him, brushed smooth just for him. And before he could find out on his own what might be the meaning of this, he heard a whisper "Shall we dance, Captain?" coming from her, and his heart almost has stopped in his chest. Not quite believing what he has just heard, Cassian turned around - and saw Jyn's flushed cheeks and uncertain smile and sparkling green eyes; and in her eyes nothing else than pure love.

"You do know I have no idea what am I doing, right?" she murmured while taking him by hand and leading towards the dancefloor; music again slow and moody. Slightly dumbfounded Cassian didn't answer; he mustered up enough though to take the lead instead and found them a corner far from the main crowd. He could tell she was feeling awkward, especially with curious glances at their public display of affection, but stubbornly followed him among the couples and let herself be positioned the way he wanted: her palms on his shoulders, his palms on her hips. Jyn's feline grace and fighter instincts were of a tremendous help; it was no trouble for her to mirror his movements and soon they were gently swaying to a delicate melody, step after step, turn after turn. Cassian could feel wide, silly smile stretching his face, but didn't really want to do anything about it; he felt giddy with happiness. There weren't many of such moments in his life, so a big smile was quite appropriate, no matter how silly it might've look. Besides, Jyn was smiling too, and she was looking more beautiful than ever: face framed with wide halo of unruly hair, eyes alight and that sweet smile of hers.

This round of slow music was longer than any of previous ones. With more songs passing by Jyn managed to visibly relax in Cassian's arms and surprised him with changing her position against him: she pretty much closed the distance between them completely and wrapped her arms around his neck. He responded by wrapping his around her waist, pulling her closer. She snuggled up her face to his chest, and he reverently kissed the top of her head, his heart almost exploding. After years of compartmentalizing everything, Cassian felt the mind of his wasn't really suited for feeling anything positive so openly anymore; still, he wanted this time to last forever, and if not - then to live forever with him within his memories. Basking in almost unknown emotion, he was unconsciously drawing Jyn closer and closer, until he more felt than heard her giggling as she begin to wriggle about to regain breathing space. She was so close now that he could feel the heat of her body through the layers of clothing - or maybe it was just his imagination? But his physical response to the whole situation wasn't just an embarrassing figment of imagination, it was real. What worse, Jyn has felt it too, because she giggled again and looked up, straight in Cassian's - darkened with shame - eyes. It wasn't something that normally happened to him in public, so he was blushing furiously and wanted to say something in a way of apologize. He was stopped in his tracks though by rather interesting sight of mischievous grin on Jyn's face. 

For just few seconds it looked like a staring contest: crimson red Cassian versus widely grinning Jyn. Apparently she has quickly decided who's the winner and what the stakes actually were. After unwrapping herself from his arms, she grabbed him by hand and dragged from the dancefloor through the crowd of couples, around the tables, towards one of exits. For him the problem was, it wasn't a regular exit; not a corridor leading towards living quarters, but a kind of service corridor - with storage rooms and lots of old junk everywhere. It was perfectly Jyn to hide in such places, but she did that when she needed solitude once in a while; what were they doing here together at such time? Belated understanding dawned on him when he was pushed into one of such cluttered rooms, his back pressed against the wall and Jyn's body rubbing against his hardness. He gasped and tried to push her away by her shoulders, tried to get any explanation, but she just uttered "Here, now!" and shushed him completely by claiming his lips with incredible hunger. Then rational part of his mind shut itself off and without breaking the kiss he turned them around, pinning Jyn against the wall instead and starting to claw at her clothes.

In a matter of mere seconds Cassian had access to most of Jyn's body, and she had to his. Usually they took their time with undressing, enjoying slow caresses, lazy kisses and gentle touch. This time was different though. Jyn acted like a woman possessed, viciously using her teeth on his neck and earlobes and her short tough nails on his back; he at first responded with similar harshness; then grabbed her thigh with such strength his hand had to leave bruises and barely giving her time to hook the leg around his hip, entered her with all his might. She was so ready for him, so wet, that instead of possible gasp of discomfort she just moaned louder than ever and dragged herself closer to him, melding her torso against his chest. Cassian was moving in and out in such powerful movements that before any of them could reach climax his legs started giving up. Slipping out from her, he ignored Jyn's disappointed "What?" and pulled her over a crate of some sort, this time with her back to him. Jyn complied with the idea quickly, bracing herself against the crate and wiggling her bottom playfully. It wasn't an invitation to refuse, not that Cassian wanted to stop what she started anyway. He positioned himself on his knees behind Jyn and again pushed himself into her hot wetness. He didn't quite recognize himself with the low growling coming out of his throat or the scratches he was leaving on her soft body; nor he did recognize her with her deep groans and fingers gripping edges of the crate so tightly that they went white and would hurt later. But it took just a few more moments of their act, her hips against his, and he simply wasn't able to care anymore.

Cassian's orgasm came suddenly and was almost painful; it blinded him and left him breathless for unspecified amount of time. When he was again able to figure out the surroundings, he was lying on the crate alongside Jyn - her obviously being equally spent as he was. "I think we're going to be very sore in the morning", she barely panted out but with genuine smile. "You don't say?", his answer almost just as inarticulate but smile just as sincere. They kept on lying on the uncomfortable dirty crate for some time more, just squeezing each others' hands and simply re-learning how to breathe properly again. Finally Jyn stifled a yawn and said "We'd better get going, I don't plan on sleeping here". Cassian decided they should reappear at their table even if for just a single drink more, so slowly and carefully he got up, helped Jyn to her feet and they both dressed up. It took them one look at each other and they both burst into laughter. They wouldn't be the first nor the last couple that evening coming back to the party looking tousled or with love bites visible, but for them it was the first shared experience of this kind; a precious thing to remember.

For the people on their way and their mates around the table their freshly-shagged look was something else though: a great source of amusement. Captain Cassian The-Ever-Impassive-Intelligence-Officer Andor and Sergeant Jyn Don't-Come-Closer-Or-I'll-Hit-You Erso weren't exactly the ones other people have ever expected to see in such state, especially together and holding hands. Their relationship wasn't really a mystery, but then they rarely were showing off any affection towards each other at all, so this was something new and apparently worth cheers, whistles and whispered gossips. Suddenly shy and visibly uncomfortable, Jyn decided to call it a night and retreat. She didn't release Cassian's hand for a single moment, and he didn't mind at all being led finally back to the comfort and privacy of their quarters.

"By the Force, that was a dirty place" Jyn mused after entering the room and then headed for shower. "First in 'fresher!" Cassian wasn't sure if she was aware how that first sentence has sounded to him, but maybe it was he who had dirty mind now. He grinned to himself and grabbed a chair to wait patiently for his turn to take a shower. He didn't have to wait long - Jyn was looking more tired with each step they were taking on their way here; alcohol, adrenaline and hormones were wearing off so no wonder she had no energy for a longer bath. She came out wonderfully naked and he registered with a pang of guilt that her skin was already showing quite a number of various markings made by him not so long ago, probably more to come by the morning; he didn't feel proud because of them. "Gotta go now too" he muttered with his eyes firmly focused on the floor and almost run away to the refresher.

Cassian didn't want to worry Jyn, so tried not to spend too much time in the shower neither. His mood was raised by just a tiny bit when he took a glimpse of himself in the mirror - he was heavily marked by her too. But it wasn't the same to treat his thick skin as to treat hers way more delicate flesh, was it? Coming back to the room, also naked, he didn't know what to expect, but with relief he found Jyn smiling happily at him from their bed. She was already partially cocooned with blankets and half-asleep, so Cassian simply joined her, in her favourite position: him spooning her, wrapping her with his arms, breathing into her still wet hair. She felt safe this way, having her back covered literally and figuratively by her loved one; and he felt safe too, keeping his loved one close to his heart, literally and figuratively. This way sleep was coming quickly, but not tonight - not for Cassian.


	2. The Night

Tonight Cassian has a serious problem falling asleep. Weird thoughts are coming and going, and he's unable to contain them, force them to quiet down.

He should be the happiest man in the galaxy now. His very own miracle, the most important person in his life is in his arms, calmly breathing in her sleep. Jyn stormed into his life and turned it upside down, but made him a better human being. Sometimes he thinks she actually made him human again, after years of being less alive than a blaster rifle. Sometimes he can't wrap his brain around the fact they're together: as a team, as friends, as lovers. Right in this moment he just can't believe in such happiness and his mind inevitably goes towards painful questions: why does this amazing woman want to be with him? Is this how love really looks like? Will this last forever? Is he the man she truly needs?

Actually, he was kind of jealous at the party. He saw how some males - and females - were looking at Jyn, his Jyn. If she would like to, she could have any of them at her feet. But she didn't want. Why? Because she loves him, no-one else. But why did she choose him, of all the people in her life? Not for his looks, he's guessing. He was told his brown eyes are deep and beautiful, some marks considered his rugged looks a handsome image, some Rebels were crazy after him as well, but the man he sees in the mirror everyday is a scarred soldier, aged prematurely due to the burden his life has put on him. Surely she sees the same when looking at him? But then she keeps on insisting he's gorgeous. And they have their intimate life incredible too, even if this evening he acted more like a rutting animal than lover. Stars, she seemed to enjoy - apparently they both enjoyed - such a way of having sex, but was it really the way to treat her? So strong, and yet sometimes too vulnerable, Jyn needs someone who rather won't exploit her in such state; excited with party, slightly drunk and thus carefree. Someone who doesn't get overly aroused just because of a dance, no matter how amazing dance it was. Someone who doesn't loose his mind because of such gift, because to him it was a beautiful gift, the best he got in past twenty years - kriff, more likely the best gift of his life. On the other hand, it was she who initiated their wild make out tonight, it was she who led things the way they went, maybe she does need someone who's rough and tough for her? Or is he just an idiot who can't understand what had happened?

Can love actually choose? Can an element, force of nature choose where or how to act? Because Jyn is like fire, she lights up his heart every time she looks at him, burns him with her every touch, she had burnt him and left burn marks even before fire of Scarif did. She's like ground, even if he stumbles she pulls him into her gravity, keeps him anchored in reality and doesn't let him float away. She's like water, brings him life and lets him slip easier through each day. She's like air, necessary to breath, but one never knows what wind may bring together with oxygen. Jyn is all of these and so much more. Is he enough for her? Tired, broken, scarred, is he enough to stay the chosen one?

He sighs deeply and tries to concentrate on falling asleep, to focus on the very thought of sleeping safe and sound, like the miracle of a woman he holds in his arms, but the doubt and confusion stick to him like blood sticks to a wound - clotting and thicker by each passing minute, may not let go for hours or days. He sighs again.

"Andor, would you please stop overthinking stuff again?"

Exasperated, heavy with sleep voice drags Cassian out from his head back to reality. Deep in his thoughts, he didn't notice Jyn is awake now.

"You sigh so deeply and so often that you'll make a hole in back of my head if you won't stop all the huffing and puffing!"

Taken by surprise, he doesn't respond, move, or even breath, he goes rigid instead, which makes her curious enough to see what happened. She untangles herself from his arms and rolls from one side to the other to face him, not bothering with keeping the blankets on her during the movement. She looks at him with worry clearly written on her face, while half naked, with kyber pendant sparkling between her breasts and some red markings spotting her skin. The sight hitches his breath again - is it bad that he loves and worships her body too? 

"What is it that you're thinking of so hard?" Jyn asks softly. She furrows her brows when Cassian sighs yet again.

"Bad dream?" He shakes his head against the pillow while trying to find a satisfying answer. He doesn't want to trouble her with his self esteem issues, she deserves better than that. But they know how to read each other very well, so she soon knows where his thoughts were.

"Cassian, you do know you're an idiot, don't you?" The words are harsh but the voice is quiet and gentle when Jyn puts her palm on Cassian's cheek and slowly caresses it with her thumb. He puts his palm on hers and moves them both so that he can plant a kiss inside hers. Jyn smiles, but it's a tiny, sad smile.

"Why do you do this to yourself?" He has no idea how to respond. He simply doesn't know where the doubt comes from. He doesn't doubt in her, never did and never will. But apparently he has no problems doubting in himself.

"Then why do you do this to us? To me? Is there something wrong with me?" she asks and her eyes get cloudy with unshed tears.

"Force, no!" Cassian almost shouts out the response; of course there's nothing wrong with Jyn. It is he who fails again; how come he fails so often around her? He can't fail; she won't suffer again because of him.

"It's me, Jyn. I'm no good for you. I'm too weak, you will never be happy with me" he utters. He doesn't know what he could expect after such statement but Jyn is crying openly now, huge tears falling on their sheets. 

"Are you still drunk or what? I am happy with you. I love you, and you said you love me too" Jyn is sobbing painfully. She twists her palm out of his and buries face in her hands. When his heart wrenches at the horrifying sight, Cassian can't help but think that he is just an idiot indeed, a fool with pile of bantha's dung instead of brain. Why is he trying to push her away, to leave such an important person out in the cold, and in probably worst of possible ways too? The truth is, he wouldn't survive a single day without her. No, this time he can't fail, he has to fix what may be not too broken yet.

Very slowly and very gently Cassian tries to pull away Jyn's palms from her face. She finally lets him, and doesn't try to free her hands out of his, but the look she gives him is so full of pain and hopelessness that he shudders. Maybe the irreparable has already happened? By the Force, he has to do something, say something.

"I just couldn't believe I may be everything someone needs, especially someone as incredible as you. I know you keep on telling me that, but sometimes I feel like I'm not enough for you and I may loose you to someone better" he tries to explain with fear gripping his throat. "Forgive me, I'm just stupid, didn't mean... well, I did, but..." He stumbles on his own words, having a feeling he just makes things worse. With raising desperation he tries to find a proper way to explain himself before it's too late. It's not easy to focus while feeling moisture of Jyn's tears on the hands of hers or hearing how she can barely breathe through heavy sobs, but Cassian has to brace himself. He did this to her, and while it probably can't be undone, at least he can try to say he's so very sorry for being so very stupid. A minute or two and he thinks he knows what to say; he looks in her sad eyes and takes a deep breath but before he manages to even open his mouth, Jyn speaks first.

"You are stupid, but I still love you, Cassian" It's more of a choked whisper, and sobs still shake her lithe body, but Jyn looks at him with clarity in her eyes and crooked smile on her wet face. 

 "There's no-one better, never was and never will be. You're my home and as long as I'm your home too, I'm not going anywhere".

It's Cassian's turn to let his feelings loose, already way too pent-up for past hours. He was such an ass to her, pretty much backstabbed her emotionally and yet she understands and still wants to be with him. To hide treacherous tears he wraps his arm around Jyn's shoulders and tugs her towards him, so that she lays with her cheek against his chest.

"My heart is your home. Always, as long as it beats. Can you hear the beating? My heart may be stupid, but it's all yours" He swallows back the tears and just says what he feels, however dumb it may sound. Apparently he is dumb, after all.

But Jyn just nods and wraps her arm around his torso. She's not crying anymore, but she's not smiling either.

"Don't overthink stuff again, please. It hurts us both. If you keep doing this, next time you may be right that you're too weak for me..." 

Cassian just stares at the top of Jyn's head, all of the positive mood leaving him again. But Jyn just lifts her head slightly, looks up at him with bright eyes and finishes the sentence grinning viciously:

"...because I'll totally kick your ass so that you won't get out of medbay for weeks! I'm not kidding, Andor!"

Immensely relieved, Cassian just laughs out loud. What else he can do? He deserves a serious ass-kicking already anyway. 

"Can we go back to sleep now, please? I'm tired, and you need to take some rest too" Jyn places her head again on Cassian's chest, against his heart. She does look more tired than before, now with eyes puffy, voice hoarse and chapped lips. Cassian doesn't even try apologizing again, he knows how well it would end up this time. Instead he just tries to move to their usual sleeping arrangement.

"Stay this way. I want to hear that stupid heart of yours" Jyn whispers with gentle smile and eyes already closed. Cassian doesn't mind, he loves the way her body seems to anchor him within their own reality. He just grabs the blankets and covers Jyn as thoroughly as he can. That's the least he can do for her now - except for falling asleep quietly, so that she can have a comfortable pillow out of him. And he does fall asleep, finally.


	3. The Morning

Cassian wakes up with a gasp. For quite a moment he doesn't remember anything from previous evening, so he has no idea why was he sleeping on his back instead of on the side, what's the weight on his chest and why the kriff his spine and knees ache so much, not to mention what's that serious stinging in quite a bit of points around his neck and torso, or a tingling sensation in nether regions.

Realization dawns on him in one big, overwhelming wave and drowns him with shame. Yesterday he made a monster out of himself hurting Jyn in so many ways - first his silly dreams forced her to dance even though she have never wanted to, he caused her lots of bruises and scratches during rough sex later, then exposed her to even more badmouthing that she already has had to suffer because of her father, and, finally, he was cruel to her by talking utter bantha shit, making her cry in their own shared bed. How could one man commit so many atrocities against his beloved one in such a short time? 

Trying not to go too far into self-pity, Cassian opens his eyes to check on Jyn, apparently still sleeping with head on his chest. She does lay where she did, but she has a dreamy smile and eyes half-closed, obviously she's not asleep anymore. Her hand wanders under the blankets along his body, focusing around his morning hard-on. That would probably explain the tingling and could be the actual reason he already woke up, because he still feels tired otherwise. It's not a bad way to wake up, though, not at all.

Jyn probably feels she's being watched, because she slowly opens her eyes wider, slightly lifts up head and looks him straight into the eyes, continuing the caresses.

"Good morning, sleepyhead. Still in mood for breaking up?"

Cassian gasps, the question too painful. Stars, his stupidity will haunt him for probably much longer than he may ever suspect, but he fully deserves any torment Jyn has in mind for him. And she does look like she is up to something, and he has very bad feelings about it.

But she just unwraps herself from the blankets and uncovers him too. Then she kneels beside him on the bed and hovers over to frame his face with her small palms. Cassian doesn't expect this sort of activity and shudders at the sudden sensation of cold flooding the body of his. Jyn's palms are wonderfully warm though, and he leans into her touch with gratitude. 

"Don't you try to insult me again, Cassian." He stiffens immediately, but her voice isn't menacing but soft and her eyes, once more staring straight into his, are only just slightly sad.

"Don't try to tell me who may or may not be good enough for me. I know who did I choose and I'm not sorry. We'll get through this together, but don't shut me off. Talk to me before things go too shitty to fix them, you understand?" 

She has to be seriously worried. She has to truly care, because Jyn doesn't like talking, she doesn't do talking, she prefers action. And yet just she gave such an agitated speech, straight from her heart, and it makes his own stupid heart swell with love and sorrow. He swears to himself to listen to her and never lead them again to such emotional turmoil as that of last night. Mental torture is not what she has chose him for, nor he has chose her.

Cassian nods against Jyn's palms and only then discovers he's apparently started to cry, his tears between her fingers. She gently wipes moisture out before any drop can fall on his angrily stinging scratches, which she has plenty of as well. He gulps and breathes deeply, trying to stop his thoughts from going back to yesterday's evening. He does not really succeeds, getting painfully hard again in no time.

Again thinking he needs to explain, apologize, do anything, Cassian wants to say something, but Jyn simply silences him by putting single finger on his lips. And then she straddles him and guides his length into her in such a swift movement that he doesn't notice it until the amazing sensation of her soft warm wetness almost folds him in half.

Jyn pushes him back on pillows, her hands on his chest. "Just don't move", she says with a sweet smile gracing her lips. And he obeys, though he has no idea what's on her mind. The only movement from him is covering her palms with his, and that she approves of.

To his surprise she starts to move her hips the way he has taught her to dance just last night: in soft, sultry circles, so very slowly. Cassian breathes sharply through gritted teeth, trying desperately to control himself. She's dancing with him, for him, again, and he just wants to enjoy it for the longest time possible. It's not the wild pounding from the storage room, it's not just sex, though amazing too. This is a powerful love confession, a most beautiful one he'd ever heard of, and it's meant for him only. And this time, he has to believe he deserves it. If he doesn't believe her now, he won't deserve anything from her, ever.

Cassian's pleasure is rocketing sky-high fast, but it's not like Jyn's actions have no influence on herself. Her breath quickens too, skin is covered with sheer layer of sweat, breasts are taut. Together with hair swaying around her shoulders, eyes shining like two green stars, swinging kyber crystal and the unfortunate collection of love bites she makes a gorgeous radiant image that Cassian devours hungrily. He wants to treasure it forever, to be able to recall it as the last thing in his life, no matter when it might be. 

Jyn's moves still are amazingly fluid but are turning faster, and Cassian can't hold still anymore. Briefly he wonders how clumsy he may seem compared to her, but then he just starts to move gently his hips too, trying to match her rhythm. He wants to give her his whole body, like she's giving him hers.

Their dance goes on and on, both trying to outlast the other, both slowly getting burnt out with intensity of their make out. It's Cassian who decides to give up, to show Jyn that he's grateful for this and for everything else she's ever done for him too. In last conscious moment he reaches out and slips his fingertips between them, to help Jyn get over the peak together with him. And, like a book example of perfect synchronization, they do reach their climax together, both spiraling away deep into some inner galaxies of theirs, moaning and panting and grinding teeth. 

"Thank you", he rasps to breathless Jyn crumpled on top of his chest. He means it. She barely can nod against him in answer, but he knows she's fully aware what is it that he appreciates so much. She just knows, but he's going to repeat it however often they both want or need to hear it.

When their breathing pattern calms down a bit and overloaded senses are able to serve them normally again, Jyn rolls down from Cassian and curls up beside him, smiling gently. She doesn't say anything, but looks more than just content, she looks genuinely happy, and it makes him happy too.

"We don't have to be anywhere today. What would you say if we'd catch some more sleep now?" He asks her, seeing how she tries to hide a yawn.

In a way of answer, Jyn crawls up Cassian's body and lies flat, covering him with her own body as completely as she can, like a human safety blanket. She kisses his lips in her lightest, sweetest way and settles her head in crook of his neck, her arms around his shoulders. He sloppily covers them with a sheet he can reach, wraps his arms around her back and closes his eyes, enjoying the sensation of a perfectly full body contact. Before he drifts off to sleep again he can hear her whisper "Welcome home, Cassian". He finally falls asleep smiling, because they really are home for each other; he may have doubts, he may doubt himself but he doesn't doubt this, never did and never will. 

**Author's Note:**

> This may be considered a follow up to _We'll get through this, together_ , but was meant to be a stand-alone, so can be read without knowing previous story. 
> 
> Started as a short flat songfic, then developed into something else, something way longer, and maybe *keeps her fingers crossed* better; after days of rewriting not a single line comes from first version :D. The fic is still heavily inspired by plenty of music, though - namely Dirty Dancing OST songs.
> 
> Also, this is my own private challenge to write smut for the first time, as I never wrote anything this scandalizing before :P. And since it is my fic after all, it's not simply PWP - as usual, too much angst and overthinking ;) And no, I have no idea why on Earth it's so long, it just happened on its own, it just went and went O.o


End file.
